Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
Blame. It is easy to do and yet so frustrating when we are on the receiving end of blame. It would be even more frustrating if we were not so bad at finding a reason to blame others for our problems. Today, I think maybe we need to stop and look in the mirror.
The first man, Adam, was caught by God after eating the fruit God told him not to eat. Adam instantly blames not only Eve, but if you read a little deeper, you realize he was truly blaming God. We all do it when we are caught up in something. We look for someone to blame rather than just admitting it is us. We do that all the time in our marriages. So today we will stop and look in the mirror and admit who we actually are when the “discussion” begins.
The Executioner – Competitive
The executioner is the guy who ended stuff for the kingdom. When we are an executioner in our marriage we end up making sure we come at victorious no matter what the cost. We see every discussion as a chance to win, not grow. It does not matter what we kill as long as we win. So when we compete to win instead of finding a solution we make things worse and drift even further apart from each other. We need to remember that we are a team that is fighting to stay together and make life better.
The Dungeon Master – Critical
The dungeon master locks you up and tortures you for every thing you have ever done. They are just critical and won’t let you ever forget anything you’ve ever done wrong. Sometimes they do not even realize they are just being negative and picky to have a conversation. When the discussion starts they turn to all the bad and sometimes even get historical in their arguments and bring up things that happened years ago. They do not see any positive in their spouse or the situation and are more than willing to remind you of their feelings. We have to ask ourselves if we are always reminding our spouse of their bad days or can we see the good in them? But, it is not enough to believe it, we have to say it out loud to them.
The King or Queen – Controlling
We have all seen relationships where one of the partners dominates the others and we shake our heads and wonder how one can just wilt like a flower in the sun. When you look in the mirror you have to ask yourself if you are the one dominating. Sometimes peace comes simply because the other person has given up and has become second fiddle to the king or queen. In fact, it sort of makes me chuckle when people call each other my “king or queen.” Really someone is your king or queen and you must serve them? It is when we forget that we do in fact should work hard to show each other that one of us cannot be in control or domineering the other. It is a partnership, where both voices are heard and choices are made together not by only one.
Merlin the Magician – Avoider
Some people use smoke and mirrors to hide their true thoughts and feelings. They change the subject and try to divert your attention from the actual problem. Slight of hands or words is how they operate because they are afraid to let someone close enough to see their vulnerabilities. All this does is keep an issue alive and never find a solution, because one of the people does not know the true feelings of the other person. The solution is to just come clean with your feelings. Quit hiding behind the curtain or trick or words and just be honest. Avoiding will only lead to a deeper problem when the smoke clears.
Drawbridge Operator – Unforgiving
The drawbridge operator decides who gets in the city and who does not. It is when we are unwilling to forgive them for what they did wrong. I know you are saying I do not know what they did. You are right I do not know what they did that has made you want to keep them out. But, the realization is that if they can not get in then you cannot get out. The drawbridge works both ways. So, you have to decide if you will let yourself out by forgiving them. It can be a tough drop of the bridge but one that definitely benefits both of you.
Food Taster – Insecure
Talk about a job that must have been full of stress and doubt. You have to taste the food to make sure it is safe for the king to eat. Every bite could be your last. Some people live in relationships as insecure as the food taster lives in his life. Being afraid that each action could cost you the relationship is a tough way to live. If we are insecure we will not stand up when we need to and we definitely end up being the person who has to be nervous about everything. We need to become secure in who we are and that we are worthy of being in a loving relationship.
Jester – Complacent
The Jester is entertaining, but never takes anything seriously. They have become complacent and just go through the motions of being in a relationship. Everything is a joke and if you just ignore a problem long enough it will eventually fade away. This is a frustrating relationship to be involved in because nothing will ever change or get better. If this is us, we need to wipe off the clown make-up and take a serious long look in the mirror to see our flaws and begin to change who we are.
All of these characters hide in our mirror. Our true test comes from looking in the mirror and seeing who we are and begin to change for the better, not only for ourselves but for our relationship with another person to become even stronger. The mirror is waiting for you to discover who you can become. Look deep and find the person you can become.