In August of 2021 I was diagnosed with lymphoplasmacytic lymphoma. Simply a cancer in the bone marrow is the easiest way to explain, because I can’t pronounce that word. The doctors set me out on a six month chemotherapy treatment and some days were long and tiring. It was six months that changed the way I view life and the people that are in my life. I grew as a person in my faith, my love and my desire to make a difference.
I would love to blow some smoke up your shorts and act like I attacked every day and was always at my best during that six months. But, if you know me, you know I’m no good at blowing smoke. So I set out to make it through each day even when I just really didn’t feel like it at all. There were days that it was just enough. My bones ached from the treatments, parts of my life that were just not that good anymore.
I wrestled with my faith. Though, I know that God makes it rain and sun shine on the good and the bad. But I asked why me? I asked that question once and then I remembered. God does not make like perfect for his children; He just helps us through the imperfections find his grace and love. When we go through struggles we become stronger. It was in knowing that He was with me that I found a way through the tough days.
There were times I was tired of talking about what was going on. Then I realized when someone asked how it was going; it was because they cared. It made me wonder what they were thinking when they saw me. They sometimes looked at me like they were surprised to see me upright and alive. People told me they were praying for me and reached out from all over the place to encourage me. Though it was irritating at times I understand that we sometimes just don’t know what to say to people who are going through some stuff. It reminded me that it is not what you say at those times. What matters is that you are there and they know you love them.
I always considered myself strong and not afraid to face whatever was coming at me. One Wednesday night Shelly and I referred to my cancer as just something else to face. But, there were days that it was more just a thing. I remember the night I told Shelly that this would probably be what eventually might take my life. It was hard to say the words, but I did not fear them. In maybe facing something like this I realized that life is worth living. Each day a gift that must be opened and enjoyed.
I am sharing these thoughts with you, because the last time I wrote something was on November 4, 2021. I ran out of the desire to think or create beyond what I had to do for Sunday mornings. My mind was tired, my soul was exhausted. So I didn’t write, didn’t post and didn’t really care if I did again.
Then there is this last week. While on Spring Break with some good friends one morning on my run I talked with God. I told him I wanted to start again. I did not want to be the guy with cancer but to be me again. I did not want to judge what was next by what was happening, but by what I had seen God do in my life before.
My faith grew and my desire to change the world I live in did also. So, in a way after 26 years in the same town, church and place I wanted a jump start. Little did I know it was cancer. I’m good with that. From now on I’m not remembering or lamenting what has happened or is happening. I’m stepping into it and going forward. Hopefully we can all do that in our lives. I only write this to encourage you. Life throws things at us that can make us stop. Just make sure you don’t stay stopped. Find a way through to what is next and live your life for the joy that each day can bring. It is time to start again. I’ll see you here next week.