Being Married is Tough #5 – Honor With Your Words
I once heard someone say that “Home is where you go when you’re tired of being nice to people.” Sadly that is true for several families. We go home and say things and do things to those we love the most that we would never dream of doing to a stranger. But we are there and it can just leak out of our mouths and we make the greatest speech we will ever regret. With that thought in mind we have to stop and ask ourselves a few questions about our words.
Where do my words come from?
There is a verse that haunts me at times. Luke 6:45 reads this way: Good people bring good things out of the good they stored in their hearts. But evil people bring evil things out of the evil they stored in their hearts. People speak the things that are in their hearts. In this verse Jesus lets us know that we have good hearts and bad hearts and that there is a way that we know which one we or someone else is operating from. If you ever want to know the state of your heart just check your words. The problem is that our mouth sometimes goes into gear before our brains. But, then our words come from our hearts. So, check yourself by checking your words. What you say says something about who you are.
Do I use my words to tear down or lift up?
Once again at a time when it would have been cool for Matthew to be busy he caught another gem that Jesus gave us about words. In Matthew 12:37, Jesus says, “The words you have said will be used to judge you. Some of your words will prove you right, but some of your words will prove you guilty.” If we remember that we will be judged by our words it will slow us down. The strange thing is that we need to remember that we are not only judged by God, but by all those who hear our words. What are we saying about the one we love when they are out of ear shot? Do we build them up to others or tear them down?
What do I say when we are not together?
I have been around couples and then the couples split off and the wives go one way and the husbands the other way. I am amazed at what is often shared during these conversations. Some husbands tear down their wives and say things about them that makes we wonder why they even stay married. I think some trouble can start when other people hear us complain about our spouse. It gives them the idea that maybe there is a chance for them to move into the driver’s seat with them or you. Do you use your words to tear them down or lift them up when they are not with you?
What do I say to their face?
Paul challenged us with a verse that makes me ask a few questions. In Colossians 4:6 he writes, “When you talk, you should always be kind and pleasant so you will be able to answer everyone in the way you should.” We have all found ourselves in an argument or strong discussion about something with someone we love. If I’m honest my first instinct is to win the argument. To prove that I am right and she is wrong. The problem is that I can right my way out of a relationship pretty quickly. That is why we have to ask ourselves two things when it comes to the words we are going to say to them. First, are my words kind? Would I want these words said back to me? Secondly, are my words pleasant? How would these words look in a frame on the wall in our house? If we stop and ask these two questions in the midst of our days and talks we could surprise ourselves with how much easier it is to get along with each other.
I’ll say it again. Being married is tough, so you better have a tough marriage. If we take the time to make sure and take care of each other and work on our marriages we can be amazed at what we will be able to endure together. Talk early, work on your debt to each other, remember this is only a season, guard your heart against straying and be kind.