Being Married is Tough #3 – Understand the Times

Well, we’ve been talking about marriage being tough and that if we are going to make it then we need to understand that times in marriage change like crazy. That is the hardest thing to remember when we are caught up in a tough time. We see no end to the time that we are in at that moment. We are mad at each other and wonder how long the argument has to last? After a while kids come along and we wonder if they will ever get out of diapers, quit being 2, walking everywhere, and then not really liking us that much as teenagers. They leave the house and we wonder how we are going to get along now when it is just the two of us again. That is the strange thing we need to remember, but yet we often forget in the midst of one of those times, times they are a changing.

If you’ll let me I want to express it this way for us today: Tough times do not always last; but tough marriages always do. It is to stop and understand that simple yet profound truth that will change our lives. To understand some things about time and our marriages will make all the difference in our lives together.

Understand that We will All Go Through Good & Bad Times

In Ecclesiastes a wise man wrote a long, long time ago some words that have been put to music. That is probably where it will be most familiar for us. He said in chapter three, “There is a time for everything, and everything on earth has its special season.” We need to understand that not every day in a marriage is a Hallmark card full of love. Heck, so of those days are Lifetime movies where you are not sure who is going to be around when the clock strike twelve.

It is amazing that two people from two different families fall in love and decide to blend those two histories together. Only God could have come up with a plan like that. We need to remember that no matter how good a marriage we have it will go through some tough times. Not every day is sunshine and good kisses. Life has a way of sending clouds and bad words to us. It is not getting stuck in believing that the clouds will never leave us that will cause us to become weak in our commitment to our marriages. Ever since the beginning of time the sun has risen and set every day. That we must believe that a sunset means an end, but that the sunrise welcomes a new beginning.

Understand Even Great Marriages Have Times That Are Tough

Jesus made a bold statement one day to his friends. John captured it for us and it is a verse we need to hold close to our hearts when we live out our marriages. Jesus simply told his friends one day, “I have told all of this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” Jesus just lays right out there for us. Good marriages will see days that are full of trouble.

I was at a cider farm one day celebrating our 25th Anniversary with some friends when a bridal party came in to have some fun and listen to the music. The bride to be and I ended up at the cider bar at the same time and the bar tender asked me what advice I would off to the bride. I looked over at her and said, “Just don’t want to get divorced on the same day.” She looked puzzled for a moment and then she nodded like it sunk in. The bartender told me that he thought that was the best marriage advice he had ever heard. I may have just winged it that night when I was caught off guard, but I do really believe in that sentence.

Every marriage is going to go through those days where you wonder what you were thinking. Tough times will do that to us. Just make sure that in the midst of those bad times you don’t become weak and give in to the temptation to quit. Every time we make the decision to stay, we become tougher. So do not ever walk away during a tough time. It is too easy to give in to what we believe will be easier than the struggle to make our marriages work.

Understanding That Tough Times Eventually Turn Into Good Times Keeps Us Going

Galatians 6:9 in New Living Translation says, “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” Understanding that our commitment to each other will pay off if we do not give up believing that tomorrow can be better than today. We can find our way through the tough times when we remember that good times are just a day or decision away. The funny thing is that, with our marriage, Shelly and I have found that the tougher the days and tougher it is to make it through the darkest times it has made the good days better and brighter.

Toughness is a balance between the two and we must realize that each day we feel like the times are against us. Never forget that tomorrow’s sunrise is a chance to start again or renew what has been damaged. It is in this toughness that our marriages will grow even stronger.